Dear 2015

Dear 2015,

Many things happened in this year.

I became more active here, on my blog. If you could check, I had 8 posts in 2014, while this is the 160th post of 2015.

Christmas?

Early morning late at night of the 23rd/22nd December. Two more days until Christmas, and I'm not very excited. Sorry Christmas maniac lovers.

Camp has recently ended and there's just this gaping hole in my heart. It's been an amazing indescribable experience, but I won't share it here.

Back to the topic of the holiday that almost everyone in the European and North American continent celebrates. My family doesn't really celebrate Christmas-I mean, at my old home we set up a christmas tree and receive presents from my mum and dad, but that was when I was much younger. Now that we have moved, the tree didn't move with us and Christmas is almost amother day for us, unless someone invites us to their place for Christmas celebrations.

Hold on. I am still excited for Christmas. Because the day after Christmas is a Christmas party for the campers from my camp where I will get to see everyone again. So, in a way, I am excited for Christmas.

Time to get out my writing materials, purchase paper and envelopes and write cards from the bottom of my heart.

Disability, not inability.

Dear people who are anxious about public speaking,

Food: Clover Chips

The other day I decided to get some snacks, but the convenient store was not a usual one with the normal chips and Twistees and Mamee noodles, but also carried other kinds of chips, this one called Clover Chips.

Since it looked safe (no weird flavours or anything) and when I held it in my hand it was 8/10 filled, unlike the normal chips where it was 4/10 filled with chips and the rest with air, I bought it. 

Don't just write words, write music

Dear... I'm holding up the tarp pt 2

[Continuation of the previous post, somewhat like an address to the readers]

Dear reader,
Whoever you are,

Have you read the previous post, titled I'm holding up the tarp? If not, go read it, then come back. You done? Okay.

Sometimes we just have to just do our part and let the others realise and learn the hard way. You've done your part, much more than that. You can let it go, sometimes you'll be much happier that way. 

And if your arms get too tired to hold on, you can also email me, or fill in the contact form. Even though I might not be able to directly extend my arm to share the weight, I'll do my best to find a way to support you.

I'm holding up the tarp

What is this?

When I say I'm committed, I really think I am. 

When people ask me to do something, I will try my best to do it.

Even when I'm not asked to do it, I will take initiative.

But why is it when tasks are allocated to others, they don't do it?

And in the end it's me taking over their tasks

I try not to complain, I really tried.

But it's hard when you become used to saying,

"I'll do it".

Behind the Scenes Writing Tag

Musings 007 | Phone over book |

Sometimes the urge to take out my phone instead of the book is greater. Those times when I had long journeys on the MRT and a good book are not so common, yet they are not gone. We can still be able to get lost in a good book. Just choose your book over your phone.

Blogger Buddies Tag with Vivian

ball at my feet again

I feel the ball at my feet again

The synthetic leather against my skin

As I tap it lightly

Pushing it from one foot to the other

While attempting on my work

I feel the ball at my feet again

photo by me

Nanowrimo 2015: It's on!

MUN 101: What to Bring?

11.11.15 Reason to Smile

Brothers can be sweet sometimes. Emphasize on sometimes.

Remember the Milo milkshake I made yesterday? I gave a bottle full to my brother who stored his in the freezer and took it out today when I was having my online lesson. And asked me if I'd like some, so of course I did, and guess what extra stuff I got?

MUN 101: Strategy Paper

Musings 006 | Birthday Wishes |

This is for a friend who's birthday was yesterday.

Nowadays, birthdays = messages on your Facebook wall, some even from people you hardly talk to. Sometimes it's just 2 words: Happy Birthday. You like their message on your wall and thank them, but that's it. Maybe one person in your Whatsapp group chat remembered today was your special day and wished you happy birthday in the chat group. Soon after many will follow. You won't know who really genuinely remembered, and who had to be reminded, by that friend, or by Facebook.

Thanks to those who...

Thanks to those who hated me,

You made me stronger.

Thanks to those who loved me,

You made my heart grow fonder.

Thanks to those who cared,

You made me feel important.

Thanks to those who entered my life,

You made me who I am today.

Thanks to those who left,

You showed me that nothing lasts forever.

Thanks to those who stayed,

You showed me the meaning of true friendship.

Thanks to those who listened,

You made me feel like I was worth it.

Thanks to those who ignored me,

You taught me to live without you.

Thanks to those who helped me,

You made me realise how much difference a helping hand could make.

Thanks to those who read my blog,

You are the reason I am still writing today.

Food: Milo Ice Blend

The best drink for a hot day!

Ingredients:
Ice (depending on serving)
Water (1 cup)
Milo Powder (depending on serving)

Playlist: Favourites

walk until i become numb

Walking

Keep on walking,

One foot in front of the other

Hands swinging freely

Head front

Walking

Around in a large round

Each round probably bigger than a track field

Continue walking

Better to walk than to sit

Sit there with things

Tumbling in my head

Walking with a blank mind

Gotta keep it blank

Focus

Focus on the sounds

Focus on my shadow

Focus on where I'm going

Focus on not looking back

So I'll keep walking

Walk until I become numb

Numb is best

Numb won't let me feel anything

I feel moisture on my forehead, face, shirt

Cooling night breeze makes my skin semi-dry and sticky

The night is still

No movement except mi​​​​ne, 

Not a peep except my footsteps,

Walk until I become numb.

One round, two, then three

One of the street lamps break down

I keep on walking

The dogs probably recognise ​​​​me

By the third round the small guy's bark decreased by a third

Wanted to continue walking

Turn left and walk the fourth

To walk myself close to numbness

To feel the breeze

To hear the small guy

To duck my head to avoid the tree's outstretched branches

But good things come to an end

Sooner or later

And I took the right turn

Back to where I came from

So now

Even if my feet and legs aren't numb

At least my right hand is close to it

From scribbling madly on the paper.

MUN 101: Position Papers

MUN 101: Researching

MUN 101: Getting Started

《我的少女时代》Our Times

Something I'd like YOU to do today

Hello. After almost two years of blogging, I realised I've never created a (proper) survey for my readers to fill in, to give feedback and stuff. To me, feedback is important. You might have received a comment on your blog from me asking you to give some honest feedback.

Through feedback, I can roughly tell what you like and what you don't like about my blog design, content and such. This is why I finally made a survey which you might have seen on the right sidebar (unless you're on a mobile device).

Thank you in advance.

Examinations

Exams are part and parcel of school. You learn, you are examined for what you can learn. It's supposed to be like that, it has been like that, it is like that, and will be like that.

Halloween '15

很久很久以后，我们才知道当一个女生说她再也不想理你了，不是真的讨厌你，而是她很在乎你，非常非常在乎你。

Last Day of Blogtober

Today is the last day of October. This is going to be my last Blogtober 2015 post.

Looking at my 62 posts in October, 17 followers and 4.1k views made me realise how much has changed since the first day of October. I'd just like to say this:

Thank you. When I stumbled across Noor's Blogtober challenge post, I never thought people would actually read them, let alone comment. I'm glad you enjoyed the posts, I did writing them.

Today's Halloween. The day after tomorrow is my big exam, so I'll only blog after then. I don't have computer access until then so I'm on my phone now.

I'm planning to be a glow-in-the-dark stickman, and my brothers and I are going trick-or-treating with friends, then sleeping over at theirs. I'm really excited!

What are your plans for Halloween?

30.10.15 Reason to Smile

Went to tuition teacher's house for extra coaching before the big Chinese exam on Monday. There was another kid, around 9 years old, and he's really amusing and funny. It's really hard to put it in words, but his actions and words just bring a smile to one's face, even when he's just saying '老师，好了！' (Teacher, I'm done!) when he's done with his spelling test. Now he's barking at the dogs (while waiting for his parents) and singing the 'banana' song from Minions movie.

人不需要在一个不在乎你是谁的地方浪费时间。

Memories 002 | Ah Gong's Slippers 阿公的拖鞋 |

When we lived with our grandparents, there was a (kind of) backyard, some areas cemented and some not. And because that backyard was more accessible through the back (kitchen) door, I usually went out through there. But since my shoes and slippers were at the front door, sometimes I went barefoot, and sometimes I wore my Ah Gong's slippers.

Childhood 001 | Toys, books and other things |

只有我们自己知道我是谁。只有我们自己能决定自己的样子！

有些时候我们错过了时机

也会是一辈子的遗憾

~李玉玺～

Blogging just for the sake of it.. DON'T

Dear bloggers out there,

Especially the newer ones. You might get a bit confused with the title. 'Don't blog for the sake of it...?'

"If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are?" 

~ Hobbes (From Calvin and Hobbes)

“当一个女生说’没事‘，就是有事， ’没关系‘，就是有关系！”

Memories 001 | First tooth |

I remember losing my first baby teeth. It was the lower one, either the left or the right (sorry, not good with teeth names). If I was right, it was during 清明节 (Ching Ming festival). 我妈，舅舅们，舅母，阿姨，婆婆和我去扫外公的墓 (My mum, uncles, aunties, maternal grandma and I went to the cemetery to 'clean the grave' of my maternal grandfather). In the car, my teeth was wobbly, and I spent a long time trying to loosen it. Then my grandma reached out her hand and 'pop' pulled the tooth out. 

Throwback Tuesday: A Halloween Memory [Blogtober]

Photo and text mine

Musings 005 | Latest Fangirl Fixations |

A couple of days ago I watched a movie. It was awesome. Amazing. Fantabulous.

So great that I got obsessed with it.

And no, I won't tell you the title because I might get judged for that. So nein.

I never thought blogging would... [Blogtober]

United Nations 70th Anniversary

24 October, today was 70 years since the founding of the UN. Here's a visual timeline of the UN over the years.

A couple of years back in my History classes, I became slightly more familiar with the United Nations other than the name and it being a group of countries, and a big one at that. Before that, I knew what UNICEF was, and that was about it.
Two years ago, my choir was invited to perform at the United Nations 68th Anniversary Dinner. There were slides on the projector that showed some of their achievements.

Write a letter to yourself in 5 years. [Blogtober]

This was planned for Wednesday, but I decided to write something else and do this today instead.

Dear N (rotate the letter Z 90 degrees and that's my initial),

How are you? Okay, that's a really boring way to start. But I really want to know, how am I in five years' time? you're 20 now, probably and hopefully in university. Did you get into your dream university, Soka U? If you didn't, it's alright. Meet any good friends? You probably went to JC after 10 years of homeschooling. How was the experience then?

Photography and me

Photography is more than taking the camera to your eye and pressing the shutter button. 

I like photography because it empowers me to save the moment, that exact second when something happened. I especially like shots of children, their smiles and laughter. It reminds me that childhood is not forever. Neither is teenager-hood, nor adulthood. Life isn't forever. We have to capture it or else it will slip through our fingers and disappear forever. Photos are one of the best ways to capture a moment as it is. There will never be two identical photos. 

Musings 004 | School |

As you (probably) know, I am homeschooled. I have never attended public school, not even kindergarden. School was kind of a no-no for me personally because of three main reasons:

• Uniform. The local students here all have to wear school uniform. Though the designs all vary depending on the school, the girls one are either pinafore or skirt. And I really don't like wearing skirts or dresses.

Halloween Tag [Blogtober]

It's 21 October and I'm finally following the prompt I planned for myself- Noor's Halloween Tag. Actually it was for the 20th, but because of the time difference, I only read her post the following day and so I'm posting it now.

1- What year did you first go trick-or-treating?
My culture doesn't celebrate Halloween nor does most of the people in my country... only when my friends from elsewhere invite us for their Halloween Party when I was about 8 or 9 I think did I first

a poem about poetry

Poetry is amazing

sometimes it rhymes

with varying phrasing

it can be a haiku. five-seven-five

it can be a limerick, sonnet, ballade

sometimes it's just a sentence

that is split into many lines

it just allows a random
paragraph to look poetic

Is Your Brain More Female Or Male? [Quiz]

Quiz here. Just some quiz I took when I was feeling restless. Take it with a pinch of salt.
One thing I didn't like about this quiz was that a brain shouldn't be classified as male or female.

我终于开窍了！

所谓千里之行，始于足下。今天是十月十九日。两个星期后，我就要考试了，总是要开始温习功课了。如果用了错的谚语，请多多包容及指教。

The [Model] ASEAN Experience

One word for the conference: bloody.

One word for this post: overdue.

Feel... exposed?!?

Over some time, I had discovered that certain friends of mine [different groups] was reading my blog. *cue mixed feelings*

Trust

The first time it happened

we knew it was your fault

the second time it happened

The Mask

via

I decided not to follow the prompt I had allocated for today and tomorrow. Instead, I'll be talking about the mask.

What

The mask is a small portion of psychology, which I am very interested in, there are also subpersonalities, ego states, defensive structures and armouring. A mask is something we wear, a default face, to hide our deeper feelings and emotions. We mask our inner thoughts and emotions, that's where the word comes from. What we show the world is a controlled version of ourself. There are many, many masks one can wear. The blank and happy masks are the most common in our lives today. To a certain extent, we all wear masks.

Favourite Scents [Blogtober]

All photos except the bottom row do not belong to me, text by me.

Sometimes we like that smell because it's associated with a pleasant memory, place or person, and other times we just like it because it's really nice. Here's my list:

14.10.15 Reasons to Smile

Oct 14 Wednesday: I was feeling rather feverish today, but I found out another blogger had taken on my Reasons to Smile challenge, which made me really really really happy. Here's her Reasons to Smile for the week

20 Facts about Me [Blogtober]

Photo and text by me

I'm feeling a bit under the weather (sore throat and feverish) today, but nonetheless, here's the 14th Blogtober post!

1. Zelus is not my real name.

Favourite Quotes and Why [Blogtober]

Photo via, text by me

I collect quotes, I live by them, they encourage me, they remind me of why I am here today.
It's hard to choose a quote, so here's a couple I really like.

Staycation

For the first time in a long time, I had a day free. Usually when such days occur, I'd just stay home, watch movies, read books, that kind of stuff. But today was different, today I had a so-called 'staycation'. So, while my brothers stayed in the hotel to game and watch youtube [or do whatever they did], I decided to go out, walk around, take some photos, act like a tourist for a couple of hours. 

Collaborate with another blogger [Blogtober]

Hi guys, this is Sara from http://herelectricocean.blogspot.co.uk/, and I've done an interview with her, below, for my Blogtober post today. Let's start:

1. Zelus: When did you start your blog and what does it focus on? How did you come up with that name?

This Week I... [Blogtober]

Warning: I'm on my phone for the next two days since I won't be able to go on my computer, so if there are any grammatical errors, please bear with me (I will correct them once I get on the computer).

This week I...

Grawlix [Word of the Day]

Photo by me

Recent photographs you took and the stories behind them [Blogtober]

NOTICE: ALL photos in this post are copyrighted by myhopefulpencil.blogspot.com.

This photo above I had taken at a run to promote peace.

Favourite things in the Alphabet [Blogtober]

photo and text by me

Vellichor [Word of the Day]

via

Favourite things to do in October [Blogtober]

Photo and text by me

Kenopsia [Word of the Day]

via

内在美比外在美重要/Write in Chinese [Blogtober]

Photo via, text by me.

Because I have an important Chinese exam coming up next month, and also because I wanted a challenge, I decided to tweak my writing prompt to be this: Write in Chinese. Here it is.

100th Post!

I'll try to keep it short and to-the-point here.

At first I'm like this when I realise it...

Petrichor [Word of the Day]

via

Am I the only one who's utterly in love with this smell?

"You don't have to be blood to be family." Mr Feeny, Boy Meets World S03E17

Monachopsis [Word of the Day]

Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, a website byJohn Koenig. It is filled with invented words, their definitions aims to fill a hole in the language-to give a name to emotions we all experience but don't yet have a word for, according to his website.
Today's word is Monachopsis:

Musings 003 | Numbers, numbers, numbers |

Life, sadly, is all about numbers.

As a blogger, you have the number of followers, comments, pageviews, posts...

Top 6 Favorite Bloggers and Why [Blogtober]

Photo via, editing and text by me.

I've only actually started to look at other blogger's blogs since last week. However, I've found quite a lot that I really like. So, without further ado, let us proceed, not in any particular order:

Country puns

A conversation between a Munner and a punner:

Are you China be funny?

Who feels that way? 

Now let me tell you something.

I would never replace you. All of you readers are unique in every way. You're impossible to replace: if you're gone, nothing's ever the same.

/ why am i trying to convince others of something that i'm not convinced of /

Pick up the nearest book...

5 Tips I Would Give to a New Blogger [Blogtober]

This Week I.. [Blogtober]

Photo from tumblr, text by me.

Does it mean the week that has passed, or the upcoming week?

... Spent a lot of time 'renovating' and 'redesigning' my blog (if you were the few who have seen the previous one you could tell, it's a vast difference), and actually started to 'socialise' with some other bloggers, thanks to Teenage Blogger Central.

4.10.15 Reason to Smile

Well, look at that.

I'm still doing this challenge.

Anyway...

 This afternoon was spent at a meeting (more like a training session) for instructors of a childresn' camp. There's going to be a lot more in the future leading up to the camp itself, and today was rather tiring.

3.10.15 Reason to Smile/What I Did Today Pt 2 [Blogtober]

Photo and text credits by myself

I went for some event. With food. So here are some photos I snapped. (Reason to Smile below!)

What I did today [Blogtober]

[Blogtober]

I repotted a lucky bamboo plant.

Previously because it had looked slightly yellowish, I did some research and was advised to put it in water (left overnight). I did so for a week and a half-but somehow instinctively I realised it wasn't a good long term solution.

2.10.15 Reason to Smile

I beat my (younger) brother in an arm-wrestling-slash-hand-squashing match.
And I managed to clear 3 chapters of Chinese vocab 词语, memorizing the words, definition and example sentence. Within 3 hours. Which is an accomplishment.

October Goals

Photo and text by me

Day 2 of Blogtober: October Goals

Blogtober-Blog every day in October!

It's on! Though this challenge will be a challenge because I've a rather important exam coming up in Nov. 

I got the idea from Noor at A Little Bit of Sunshine Blog, so here's mine. It's already the second day of October, so I'll move 'October Goals' down the line for today.

"Keep my will burning as hot as the heart of the volcano, and as hard and implacable as a glacier."
Keladry, First Test, Tamora Pierce

Keladry and Alanna

"I believe in deeds, not words." 
Alanna, The First Adventure, Tamora Pierce

"I don't know," Kel protested, carefully drawing her feet away. "The Yamanis say it's better to live in pain. You have to let it roll away like water off a stone. That way it doesn't have any power over you." 
"They sound like wonderful, cheerful people," commented Neal. "Any other useful warrior stoic arguments?"

First Test, Tamora Pierce