11/23/2015 11:06:00 pm

I'm holding up the tarp

What is this?
When I say I'm committed, I really think I am. 
When people ask me to do something, I will try my best to do it.
Even when I'm not asked to do it, I will take initiative.
But why is it when tasks are allocated to others, they don't do it?
And in the end it's me taking over their tasks
I try not to complain, I really tried.
But it's hard when you become used to saying,
"I'll do it".
When the others stay quiet
I want to keep this going
I really do
It's just...
It's hard.
To be the one holding the whole thing up,
It's like we're under a waterproof tarp in the storm,
The others they are under the tarp,
I am too.
Technically we're all supposed to play our part,
Support the tarp so all of us can stay dry,
But I feel like,
I'm the only one holding it up.
I'm tired of trying to remind the rest to hold it too,
I feel like a pushover,
I feel naggy, annoying.
So sometimes I remind them,
Other times I quietly do it myself.
Occasionally someone's arm supports it for awhile,
But it doesn't stay.
My arm is starting to ache.
I really want to let go.
But I don't want it all to fall.
Just like that.
If I let both my arms fall to my side,
The tarp will fall.
And we won't see anything because our eyes are covered by the canvas.
Do you know what I mean?
Maybe you do,
Maybe you're in the same position as me.
But maybe you have no idea what I've been saying all this while,
Because you were the one who was blissfully enjoying the shelter.
Not realising that you also had to help support the tarp,
 Not realising that the one holding the support was getting tired.


  1. I absolutely love this analogy and the first thing that pops into my head is group projects. But then it's kind of everything as well. Sometimes I feel like such a pushover and it absolutely sucks. Maybe if we don't care whether we have shelter or not and just dance in the rain - maybe then we'll feel the weight lifted.

    The Life of Little Me

    1. I agree, I'm getting tired of being the pushover and reminding them to do their tasks. But dancing in the rain isn't really my thing to be honest- I prefer the safer way. Maybe to the extent of getting my arm numb, I don't know. Maybe I should take a step back and just let it go.

  2. My. Arms. Hurt. So. Bad.

    I really, really get how you feel. And i'm really sorry you feel this way cos honestly, it's so painful. You want to succeed not because you'll get the credit or the experience or whatever; you want everyone to learn, to grow, and to succeed together. But sometimes, if not most times, people just seem so happy sitting wherever they are. You feel mean and pushy for pulling them up and shoving them forward, but if you don't, you risk the entire team falling apart and crying your eyes out in bed at night.
    There is no easy way out of this (it's the way we are wired and they are wired). We just have to learn to let go and let God. They also have to learn to stand up, shoulder the weight, and march on. It hurts, it's tough for both parties, but it's the only way you're gonna get your peace of mind and the work done at the same time. Remember, for you, it's let go and let God, kay?

    P.S. you haz me number; whatsapp me if you're feeling stressed out and stuff, kay? Ain't that what friends are for? <3


    1. Thanks Ash <3 And if your arms get too tired to hold on, you can also whatsapp me too. Even though I might not be able to directly extend my arm to share the weight, I'll do my best to find a way to support you.

      I guess you're right, sometimes we just have to just do our part and let the others realise and learn the hard way. You've done your part.

      I'm just glad there's people out there: hardworking, people who selflessly and relentlessly work hard to support everyone. They don't do it for credit - those people are the ones sitting under the tarp enjoying the shelter - but they work so hard for this thing they're passionate about, this thing that they want to succeed. Just for this success, they're willing to hold the tarp day and night. But sometimes, it's okay to not be selfless, to think of yourself for a second, to think of your arms, how tired they are, and just let yourself rest for awhile.


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