A Wallflower

Wallflower: An introvert, seemingly shy person whom not many know. Mysterious, yet they feel like they're invisible. Observes and makes effort to understand events surrounding them. Their silence  and antisocial-ness may be misunderstood for coldness, standoff-ness, but they can listen without judging you (aloud). Yet when you really get to know them, talk to them, they are actually pretty cool and interesting friends. 

One of urbandictionary.com's definitions.

I think I one. Partly. But... maybe not even a wallflower. Just that moss on the roof in the photo: 

Wallflowers are used mostly negatively, which is really quite a shame. I personally feel that wallflower is a beautiful word. Walls are so cool, so interesting that I always hug them. And flowers... they are the gems of the garden, like the eloquence in MUN, the sonatas in music, the national-anthem-singing part of a football match between countries. 

Wallflowers don't seem like attention craving fellows, and though they do, they don't show it. When the spotlight is on them, they feel horribly uncomfortable and embarrassed. They prefer fading into the background, quietly observing the rest. To others these wallflowers may seem antisocial and as a result, stand-offish and loner-like, but actually wallflowers crave friends and people to talk to them. 

They are genuine. No 'oh I'm just gonna pretend to like you' shit. They like you, they talk to you. Simple as that. 

It may take a longer time to get a wallflower talking as they have a thick shell to crack, but once you do get them talking, you'll find out that they're the most genuine, interesting, yet cool people you know. 

We wallflowers, we observe. We see things that others overlook, and sometimes we relate to these small details. At parties we stand at the side, with a fruit punch or a something, and just stand there. Unless we are surrounded by particularly close friends, we don't go to the centre and dance. Because that'll be too embarrassing, too awkward, for us.

Sometimes I feel such like a wallflower that I think, does it matter to my friends if I'm actually present or not, and if I'm not is there any difference? I really don't know,  because I'm not a mind reader! (Admit it, that underline thing is getting on your nerves. So I'm gonna bold it.)

I find it much much simpler and easier to be 'normal' when I am behind the screen, phone or computer. I can let my brain directly send the signal to my fingers, which seems to be doing a much better job as a communicator than my mouth. When you talk to me in real life, I tend to be awkward and therefore I prefer to stay silent, especially when I'm uncomfortable around people. With close friends I'm fine, I guess.

On second thought, I think I'm a selective wallflower. Meaning, I'm not a wallflower all the time. I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing. You see, when I'm around this group of strangers (let's say in MUN), I'm not that sociable. Sure, when we talk via notepaper I have lots of ideas and I say a lot of things, but then when we come together during unmoderated caucus, I'm just direct with my ideas, and that's it.

All wallflowers are introverts, but not all introverts are wallflowers.

I watched this movie The Perks of Being A Wallflower directed by Stephen Chbosky, 
The quote that sticks to our mind for the longest time:

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

"So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.” 

And you? 
Ending this post with a (relatable) quote. 

I did some editing and stuff using lunapic, but the original (coloured, without words) isn't mine.