8/26/2017 11:04:00 am

of course I want to sleep early

Would anyone be crazy enough to want to stay up, bleary-eyed, struggling to move the cranks of their brains, fighting to force the sinking eyelids from fully closing? To resist the sweet temptation of sleep, just to complete something they have to finish doing?

Of course I want to go to bed earlier. How many times have I had the urge to just impulsively throw whatever I was working on down and just call it a day. How I wish I could do that.

But thanks to my inner sense of duty and responsibility fighting dominance (and winning) against my personal welfare, that is just not possible. I can't just put down my books and go to sleep, just like that. No matter how many times the thought of giving up flew past my head, I just can't get myself to do it.

It may be useful sometimes but this is an ultimately unfortunate characteristic of mine that becomes the bane of my (lack of) sleep problems. The strong sense of duty and responsibility for things I find important, not letting it go until I get it done.

Even if for some reason I had to drop my work uncompleted, I won't be able to sleep well. My brain turns into hyperactive mode, suddenly being ultra-concerned about the uncompleted tasks and imagining the possible scenarios of the consequences of not completing said work.

This, paired with a habit of unproductivity and needing some break after getting home from school, is the reason for my lack of sleep since starting school.

1 comment :

  1. I understand this on such a personal level!

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